Thursday, April 01, 2010


Does everyone think they have the best mom in the world? I know I always felt that way. My mother was a loving, caring mother who had a magnetic personality and the best sense of humor. She died on Saturday after a long struggle with dementia and though her passing is sad, I am very thankful that she is free of that struggle now. I have grieved and missed her so much the past 5 years and more, so I look upon her death as the culmination of what my siblings and I have been wishing for her, a release to a better place and very much a blessing. The worn-out phrase "she is at peace now" has never been my favorite but I now realize how true it is.

There are so many things about my mother that can't be captured in words, though she loved words and phrases and taught us from the time we were young all kinds of crazy things to say. One is now a family phrase that has been passed on to the grandkids too: "no thank you, I've had an elegant sufficiency, anymore would be a superfluity to my obnoxious capacity". In other words: "no thank you, I'm full".

My mom was a mom to so many others too. There were four of us and we all had friends who loved visiting and talking to her. I used to swear some of my friends were only interested in coming by and chatting with my mom, to heck with me, I was just the vehicle that led to her. Her favorite years were when we were babies and again when we were teens. The middle years of childhood were most likely a lot of work but she loved it when we finally became old enough to be more interesting.

My mother had an instinctive sense on how to handle people. She was charming, to put it mildly, and she could get people to happily come around to her way of thinking. It came in handy for many reasons but especially because she worked as a nurse after we were grown and gone. Her patients loved her. She had a caring attitude but she never took herself seriously and was able to get the most unhappy or obstinate patient to have a new and better attitude by the time her shift was done. They would always ask to have her back as their nurse. She looked on difficult patients as a challenge that gave her much joy to conquer. Patients that other nurses felt were too much trouble, she'd ask to have and would have them eating out of her hand in no time flat. It was a gift.

She never met a stranger. She'd talk to everyone,she never picked a fight,she hated dissent and worked hard to turn dissension into peacefulness. She made it look easy. I was never embarrassed by her, funny thing to say because most children and especially teens at one time or another are embarrassed by their mothers but in retrospect, she never gave us reason to regret or complain about who she was or what she did. Whatever she did or said was always just right. She never made herself out to be more important than anyone else and she respected where people were coming from and was not judgmental. That doesn't mean she didn't have judgment but she never used it maliciously which is a rare quality. Somehow she was always able to rise above pettiness and would often say it wasn't worth wasting time on worry or being unhappy. She was a bit like Scarlet O'Hara in that she'd "think about that tomorrow". It worked for her.

There is something sacred to be said of the quiet hero mothers who cook, clean, take care of their kids, keep them safe, attend their functions, love them when they aren't loveable, rejoice in their happiness and give their hearts to them in their failures and sadness. My mother had her heart out waving unprotected in four different places in the world and she was one of those motherly heroes. She was a mother, a friend,a sister, a daughter, a wife, a nurse and she felt her most important contribution to the world were independent children who had a core foundation of love. I'm sure I never said thank you enough when you were alive Mom but I hope you can see and feel it in me now. I'll miss you Mom and only hope I can live up to your wonderful legacy.


Lee said...

What a loving tribute. I'm sorry for your loss, but since I lost my dad to Alzheimer's disease two years ago, I understand your thankfulness as well.

May the days be full of healing and comfort for you.

Tanya said...

How beautiful and I'm so sorry for your dear loss. May you find comfort in the sweet memories within.


Linen Stitcher said...

Your mother sounds like a wonderful person with a very appreciative daughter. I'm so very sorry for your loss. May the wonderful memories you wrote about here help comfort you through the difficult times.

Gillie said...

Thank you so much for sharing that lovely tribute. My mum loved words too and it is from her I got my love of reading. We also used the phrase *elegant sufficiency*!

Anonymous said...

Everything my sister just wrote is the absolute truth. I've been watching a pair of eagles raise their young on the internet and the parent eagles give everything to their young. It reminds me so much of my mother who gave everything to us. If your mother is still living, go call her and tell her you love her.

Sweet Sue said...

Wishing you gentleness in the coming days, thank you for sharing a glimpse of your Mom with us. She sounds like one of those very special ladies that everyone was glad to know cause she made everyone feel special.

Gladys Creativa said...


I discovered your blog for the cross stitch...
I'm impressioned for your post because, I'm living the same that you... I lost my mother in an terrible accident 6 years ago... and I remember her every day! she was all for me, she was my strong, my peace, my joy, my smile... she was loving, perfect!
I think the same that you... she is free in peace with the Lord!
Thanks to my mother now I can go ahead and enjoy of my life.

Hugs and regards from Spain!

mainely stitching said...

Deborah, you've been very much in my thoughts the last week or so and I've wondered why ....

Your mother sounds like a wonderful person, a true role model. I wish I'd known her. What I've gotten to know of your through our few correspondences makes me feel certain that you have many of her fine qualities.

Thinking of you and your family with love.

Anonymous said...

Your words are so very heartfelt. Each word is filled with emotion that I am able to feel with you. I am sorry for your loss.

corinna said...

you were both blessed with one another
life is amazing

all goodness to you and your family

Jan said...

So sorry for your loss and I hope that you find great comfort in the many wonderful memories that she left you.

Maggee said...

So sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. You have written such a beautiful tribute to her in your blog. Blessings to you and your family.


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your mom's passing, Deborah. But I understand your relief in knowing that she has moved on to a better place, and a better health. Since my mother passed in 2005, I sincerely believe that there is no greater pain than that of a daughter who has lost her mother. The pain never goes away, but God blesses us with courage to cope with it. God bless you and your family.

Billie said...

Deborah, I am so sorry about your mom's passing. I know exactly what you are going through. My mum died last March very suddenly and unexpectedly. I, however, was not able to write a tribute for her until a year later. I was in too much pain, I found this on the net. The Author is anonymous:

The Little Ship

I stood watching as the little ship sailed out to sea. The setting sun tinted the white sails with a golden light, and as she disappeared from sight a voice at my side whispered, “She is gone”.

But the sea was a narrow one. On the farther shore a little band of friends had gathered to watch and wait in happy expectation. Suddenly they caught sight of the tiny sail and, at the very moment when my companion had whispered, “She is gone” a glad shout went up in joyous welcome, “Here she comes!”

You will be in my thoughts.

Erica said...

What a beuatiful tribute you have written!
I am so sorry for your loss!

Vonna Pfeiffer said...

A beautiful and fitting tribute to a life that had profound effect on you and those around her - and her effect is clearly seen through your words and actions.
My sincere and most deep sympathy to the passing of your mother. Just think of the glory she will see this weekend in heaven!

May her soul and all the souls of the faithfully departed, by the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Hugs and love to you and your family.

Mayté Bermúdez-García said...

May the time soften the pain of you loss until all that reamins is the bauty of the memories and the love, always the love.

Christine said...


Kim said...

I feel and know your pain, as I lost my Dear Beloved Mother on June 9, 2009. She had dementia as well and I watched as she slowly went downhill, my heart breaking more and more each day. I never imagined my life without Mom, we loved each other deeply. But I do know she is in the arms of God now, in a new and perfect body, do I wish she were still here with me, yes every single day! But I will see again one day, it won't be long, as life here is short, but eternity is forever. God Bless You and your family in the days ahead, as you go through your grief and sorrow. Your Mom sounds like she was very loving to you and a friend to many. So very special, and those sweet memories will last you for the rest of your days.......Kim

Catherine said...

What a wonderful way to remember your Mom. She sounds like a remarkable woman! Thanks for sharing a bit of her with us.

Katrina said...

Deborah what a beautiful tribute to your mom. I am so sorry for your loss! {{{{hugs}}}}

Sharon said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mom! My sincerest condolences on your loss.

Mylene said...

This is a beutiful tribute to your Mom. My heartfelt condolences. (((hugs)))

Kathy said...

Deborah, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my father 6 1/2 years ago and I understand what you and your family are going through. Please keep your wonderful memories of your mom.

Susan said...

I am sorry for your loss. I do know what you went through as my Mother is suffering from dementia also. To many people she looks and talks normal but to those who know her well - family - we see the difference even a day makes.
Blessings to you and your siblings on the passing of your Mom.

Leeland said...

This is a wonderful tribute to your mother.
Now you all have to go on and live and pass on the wonderful things she has given you.
I'm sorry, Deborah.

Maria said...

I know that you will think of her often and smile.
Just picked up my May/June Just CrossStitch and your My Mother, My Friend is splendid.

Thank you again for all the wonderful pieces you have designed.

Take care,
Maria Maunez

Anonymous said...

Deborah I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I was in that same place (without help and comfort of siblings) so I know the heartbreak this has been. What a wonderful tribute you've written. She would be proud of you and what you've done! Remember the good times.

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